Spinning out of Orbit

Astrology may be a serious business but it provides enough humour to last a life time! Just as television news is unadulterated nonsense that needs to be avoided like plague, the bizarre predictions by hordes of astrologers nowadays are akin to the “theatre of the absurd” that thrives upon willing suspension of intelligence by the masses. Like taxes, there is not much logic to astrology but what perturbs these days is the onslaught of vicious predictions in the media that are in bad taste and targeted chiefly to damage reputations or mental health of the well-known individuals for the sake of cheap publicity.

When people ask me why I always deride the hocus-pocus of fortune tellers, I am constrained to recount several occasions that have been cause of serious merriment (pun intended) at various stages of my life. The first of these maddening prophecies was pronounced over six decades ago by a noted astrologer-cum-palmist who predicted my death before the age of seventeen! Although I treated that statement with contempt from day one, I still feel deeply for my dear mother who was injected for years with an unnecessary fear and pain by a diabolical rogue.  

Another occasion that provided the wisdom that none should believe the soothsayers was the concluding session of the Conference of Astrologers at Jaipur in 2003 which had around two hundred eminent practitioners of the art from around the globe. Apart from many Indians, several astrologers came from Nepal, Bangladesh, Sri Lanka as well as USA and Canada to attend the conference whose proceedings were widely reported and telecast by the mainstream media channels including NDTV.

The fun began in full glare of the press and media when the convenor of the conference Pandit Akhilesh Sharma distributed the horoscopes of Rajasthan Chief Minister Ashok Gehlot and BJP State supremo Vasundhara Raje to the astrologers’ fraternity without disclosing the identity of the personalities in question. Thereafter, when the congregation was asked to deduct the vocation and future of the horoscope owners, the gurus of constellations came up with weirdest of answers! 

It is worth noting that the vast majority not just flunked the test designed to measure their skills but also stated the horoscopes were of businessmen, industrialists and other such related professions. Only 12, out of the 200 astrologers present at the venue, managed to point out the real identity of the horoscope owners and amidst cat calls, one astrologer even stated that Gehlot’s horoscope was most likely belonging to a cobbler! 

The various revelations were read aloud to the merriment of all. This led to a lot of red faces as several stalwarts, running popular columns in regular dailies and heading astrology departments in major universities, had gone way off the mark! As the laughter brought the roof down, the convenor of the conference Pandit Akhilesh Sharma and the Chairman of the Conference Prof. Kamal Yogi of Sringeri predicted that Congress would scrape through in Rajasthan state elections in 2003 but would lose to BJP in national elections of 2004. Sharma was categorical that after Congress victory in Rajasthan, the premier seat of Chief Minister would not go to Ashok Gehlot but to a Congress leader whose name began with the letter “N”, hinting a toss-up between Natwar Singh or Nawal Kishore Sharma. Vasundhara Raje, he maintained, would enhance her image but would be deprived of the big chair because of Rahu’s transit through her horoscope. Prof. Kamal Yogi even stated that on the basis of the planetary position existing at the hour of independence on 15^th August 1947, his colleagues had drawn India’s horoscope which revealed that India would gain a permanent member seat at the UNO by 2007. 

To the discomfiture of all astrologers, it may be recalled that the results of the respective elections of Rajasthan Legislative Assembly in 2003 and the National Parliament in 2004 went completely contrary to the predictions of Akhlesh Sharma and Kamal Yogi. While Congress lost the state election, paving way for Vasundhara Raje to become the first woman CM of Rajasthan, the national elections saw the decimation of BJP’s “Shining India” and rejection of Atal Behari Vajpayee by the voters. And yes, a permanent seat at the UNO is still awaited. 

That astrologers do take people for a spectacular ride to nowhere was brought home to me earlier in May 1991 also. Boarding a flight from Bangalore to Mumbai on 18^th May 1991, I picked up the latest edition of the then popular “The Illustrated Weekly of India” from the book stand at the airport. The cover story had laid out the bombastic predictions of India’s top twelve astrologers of the era in detail and I remember, probably seven of the dozen predicted Rajiv Gandhi as the next Prime Minister of India, many even claiming of a very bright and long future ahead of him! 

Moreover, based on fuzzy descriptions of stellar constellations and their pulverizing effects, three other astrologers predicted Lal Krishna Advani’s ascent to the coveted chair while the remaining two differed in their choices by nominating Chandrashekhar and V. P. Singh respectively as the politicians to take the oath as the next Indian Prime Minister. As we all know while Rajiv Gandhi was assassinated in a heinous manner just three days later, the other three personas were denied the high seat of power. And instead, an out of favour politician, who was not even given a ticket by the Congress party, was sworn in as the ninth Prime Minister of India!    

Although it is apparent that smooth-talking con artists have always done roaring business due to ignoramuses, I have just one question to all those that profess faith in astrology and its practitioners. If astrologers can indeed tell the future, why is it that not one astrologer could foresee the rise of Narasimha Rao to the helm? Pray why not one astrologer warned the world about the onslaught of Covid?